Tonight was my first time attending a Yoga class, although it's been something that I have wanted to try for months. I arrived a little nervous...not about the new experience because I'm an adventurer at heart, but nervous because I'm a complete klutz and didn't want to end up headfirst into the wood floors. The instructor and other attendees were all very welcoming and warm and as the class began, I found out that maybe I hadn't given myself enough credit. Utilizing the form adjustments from the instructor, I faired pretty well.
At the end of the class, we were all supposed to lay down and meditate. Here's where I fell apart. My mind doesn't know how to relax. I constantly have ideas, thoughts and work persistently floating through my brain at any given moment. I tried to meditate...I REALLY did. But, I found myself looking around the room instead. Everyone was so peaceful and genuinely relaxed. They had smiles on their faces and seemed to just melt into the floor.
Envious of their ability to shut down, my over-active mind started thinking about the last time that I actually slept well. I'm not talking about a flukey single night of decent rest. I mean REAL, consistent sleep. And within a 2-minute span of time, I hit the most profound "Ah-ha" moment that I've had in ages.
I realized that my sleep issues began around the time of my cancer diagnosis back in 1999. I went from being a teenager with little direction to a driven adult determined to make a positive difference in this world...seemingly overnight. That determination which has had numerous positive effects on my life as well as the lives of many others, is what has caused my insomnia. I always feel like I can do just one more productive thing today....just "in case". I can write one more article for a client, I can make one more blog post, I can help one more non-profit...the list goes on and on.
This entire epiphany came rushing all at once and was POWERFUL! I began tearing up as I laid on my yoga mat and the emotions were overwhelming. I tried to mentally talk myself out of it and wipe my tears before the meditation time was over. I was successful and grateful for the experience.
So, I failed Meditation 101 but I still left that Yoga room with a lot more than I entered with. I'm not sure this revelation will help me sleep any better. Afterall, my goals are still the same. But, anytime we can learn about ourselves both personally and professionally, whether good or bad, it is a step in the right direction.
Today, I am thankful for my family, friends, clients and supporters. I promise to continue making a positive difference to those who need it most. And, I'll TRY to alleviate a bit of pressure on myself. None of us are promised tomorrow so I will try to feel satisfied with the accomplishments I have completed today.
Mostly, I am thankful to my friend for inviting me to partake in her Yoga class and especially for her philanthropic spirit.
Namaste! (I learned that today) :-)
Sabrina K. Carpenter
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