This one time....at Band Camp...
Just kidding, I was never in band camp. However, I did play the flute horribly for a couple of years. And, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express one night. So, there's that.
In school performances, I actually only pretended to play the flute. I've never admitted that before. I figured I'd spare the ears of adoring parents and at-wit's-end teachers and instead focus on the artistry of being the very first, world-renowned mime flutist. I imagined audiences going wild, flowers being thrown onto the stage, my face on the cover of magazines...it would be epic.
But, I soon got bored dominating the mime flute world, and quit. Not because I was bad at it, of course! I just moved on to the choir. I was placed as an alto. That offended me. Back then, I believed the prestige came from being a soprano. You know how they say practice makes perfect? Well, that's what I did. For something crazy like, 8 years!! And you know what the amazing thing is?
It's a lie.
Practice doesn't make perfect. It makes a bad "singer" just an older bad "singer". So, I quit. But this time, I was about 16. And I quit for different reasons. I quit because I knew I stunk. I knew I couldn't hold a note. I embarrassed myself.
That was a pivotal point for me. It was then that I learned to be critical of myself. When you're young, you're carefree. You don't care if you make a fool of yourself. In fact, that often makes everything more fun. You've got these awesome rose-colored glasses you tote around with you everyday.
Then at some point, everything turns grey.
You're never good enough, tall enough, smart enough, hot enough, brave enough and any chance of becoming that very first, world-renowned mime flutist, is nothing more than a pipe dream.
I've struggled with shades of grey for decades. (Not the Fifty Shades version, folks! Get your mind out of the gutter lol.)
Silver, when you lose a contract to a competitor. (You're not good enough.)
Gris, when you go to Mexico and vow to only speak Spanish but you still sound silly. (You're not fluent enough.)
Ash, when your house burns down along with all your writing; your prized possession. (You're not resilient enough.)
Battleship, when you're told you may never have children. (You're not fertile enough.)
Gunmetal, when family members will choose just about anyone or anything over you. (You're not lovable enough.)
But, you know what? Grey sucks! And if you ever see my face on the cover of Fortune as the very first, world-renowned mime flutist, I am most definitely going to say, "I told you so."
Don't let the world jade you! You have the right to be proud of your accomplishments, your dreams, your life path, your appearance, your abilities! Paint your days in jewel-tones! You are enough! I'm still working on taking my own advice and establishing a canvas that's completely grey-free and carefree.
And, nowadays, I personally think altos rock!
