In a partnership, when we choose to marry, we take a vow to love one another "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or health"...or something with a very similar tone. We stand up before our friends and family, a notary or an Elvis impersonator and proclaim this love for all to hear.
When we have children, the vows are very similar, yet an unspoken demonstration. There is no growing to love your children like we often have to do with our significant other. It is an instant bond that trumps all others.
I was never supposed to have children. As a matter of fact, when I was diagnosed with cancer at age 19, my doctor wanted to do a full hysterectomy. That's a whole other story that many of you have already heard but when my first son, Isaiah, was born after 2 1/2 grueling years of fertility treatments, my world changed...instantly...and for the better. Here is this beautiful 5lb. 14oz. preemie boy, PROOF that miracles do happen, that faith is tangible and that hope is more than an emotion.
Six months later when his baby brother Micah was conceived (naturally), it was surreal, unexplainable and an amazing blessing. Weighing in at less than 5lbs., this little man was born a fighter much like his mother. Micah, now 15 months old, has been sick for most of his life. Respiratory issues with extreme fevers, hospitalizations, spinal tap, blood cultures and a visit across the state to a specialist has taken up much of his infant time.
I remember the pain, fear and confusion of being ill myself, and could have never imagined the spectrum of emotions that comes into play when it is your own child. I feel perhaps even more anxious because of the sequence of events that had to occur to create these babies!
I pride myself in taking one day at a time and trying not to get too overwhelmed with the "what ifs". But, it takes practice and determination, just like all things worthwhile in life.
As we wait for my little Peanut's results, I want to vocalize my love for my two boys. We don't get a ceremony to celebrate our love but Isaiah and Micah, I want you to know that I will always love you "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health". It's through you both that I continue to grow, learn and conquer the world.
Salute!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Stargazing and Toxic Relationships!
Do you ever find yourself attempting to confide in a loved one, only to realize time after time that they end up making you feel worse? Isn't that what enemies are for?
These are toxic relationships and if given the chance, they can negatively affect confidence, self-esteem and trust. So, how the heck do you solve this problem??
In my opinion there are two main elements to consider:
1. I believe communicating about your discomfort should always be a first option. "I was upset and really needed to vent, but you added a lot of additional negativity that made me feel even worse." Paraphrasing, of course. This may be all that is needed to solve the problem. But, be prepared if it isn't enough. Some people may get defensive, some may completely deny that they respond the way they do and others just may not care much.
2. Evaluate yourself. Are you placing expectations upon this person that they are unable to carry through? The only expectations you can control are those you place upon yourself. Maybe this particular relationship shouldn't include heart-to-hearts. Perhaps it's just not part of the dynamic that makes the relationship work.
There is also the possibility that without being able to utilize that person as a confidant, the relationship will cease to exist. That's where it gets especially tricky when you are talking about a spouse or family member. I've been in this situation so many times and it's not easy. Basically, it comes down to making tough decisions, determining what is best for your well-being and setting limits that are both fair and reasonable.
Ultimately, the world has plenty of negativity and pessimistic people. But, I prefer to surround myself with positive individuals who innately support me, without expectations or criticism. A dream world? Perhaps. But, I'm all about reaching for the stars!
These are toxic relationships and if given the chance, they can negatively affect confidence, self-esteem and trust. So, how the heck do you solve this problem??
In my opinion there are two main elements to consider:
1. I believe communicating about your discomfort should always be a first option. "I was upset and really needed to vent, but you added a lot of additional negativity that made me feel even worse." Paraphrasing, of course. This may be all that is needed to solve the problem. But, be prepared if it isn't enough. Some people may get defensive, some may completely deny that they respond the way they do and others just may not care much.
2. Evaluate yourself. Are you placing expectations upon this person that they are unable to carry through? The only expectations you can control are those you place upon yourself. Maybe this particular relationship shouldn't include heart-to-hearts. Perhaps it's just not part of the dynamic that makes the relationship work.
There is also the possibility that without being able to utilize that person as a confidant, the relationship will cease to exist. That's where it gets especially tricky when you are talking about a spouse or family member. I've been in this situation so many times and it's not easy. Basically, it comes down to making tough decisions, determining what is best for your well-being and setting limits that are both fair and reasonable.
Ultimately, the world has plenty of negativity and pessimistic people. But, I prefer to surround myself with positive individuals who innately support me, without expectations or criticism. A dream world? Perhaps. But, I'm all about reaching for the stars!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I Resolve to Never Make a New Year's Resolution!
I'm so excited to be in 2011! Every year gets better than the last and I look forward to all of the opportunities, joys and excitement that this New Year has in store for me. I am embracing being 30 and enjoying watching as my kids grow, learn and explore. My business continues to do well and publishing my first two books last year was amazing. I am one grateful woman! Now, it's time to address...what's next?
That brings me to the hype of New Year's resolutions. We like to think that the New Year brings us a clean slate. We can lose the weight that snuck up on us, kick a smoking habit, decide to make better financial decisions or eliminate the toxic people in our lives. It's all great in theory. There's no better investment than an investment in ourselves.
However, some studies show that as few as 5% of people achieve their New Year's resolutions. I know I'm nicknamed the "One Percenter" but those aren't odds that even I want a part of. Our society and the media drown us in New Year's resolution pressure. Commercials, news stories and promotions entice us to want to do better but the moment we slack for a mere second, we consider ourselves failures. What a hit for morale!
Research has shown that creating many small goals throughout the year tend to be far more effective than setting one large resolution that is hard to live up to. As an exmple, start by resolving to become more physically active, instead of saying you need to lose 50lbs. in two months. Once you become more active, you will feel proud and accomplished and feel positive about moving on to your next goal...perhaps cutting back on calories or eating more vegetables. By making these smaller changes, you are ultimately getting closer to your goal of losing weight.
I make changes for myself throughout the year. I don't set a schedule because you never know when you will be ready to fully commit. But, when I wake up feeling motivated and determined and know it's time for a positive adjustment in my life, I go for it! More times than not, I am successful. We can't win them all but as long as we continually head in the right direction, it should be considered a victory!
Believe in yourself, your strength, your determination and your abilities.
Salut to your "tabula rasa"(clean slate) all year round!
That brings me to the hype of New Year's resolutions. We like to think that the New Year brings us a clean slate. We can lose the weight that snuck up on us, kick a smoking habit, decide to make better financial decisions or eliminate the toxic people in our lives. It's all great in theory. There's no better investment than an investment in ourselves.
However, some studies show that as few as 5% of people achieve their New Year's resolutions. I know I'm nicknamed the "One Percenter" but those aren't odds that even I want a part of. Our society and the media drown us in New Year's resolution pressure. Commercials, news stories and promotions entice us to want to do better but the moment we slack for a mere second, we consider ourselves failures. What a hit for morale!
Research has shown that creating many small goals throughout the year tend to be far more effective than setting one large resolution that is hard to live up to. As an exmple, start by resolving to become more physically active, instead of saying you need to lose 50lbs. in two months. Once you become more active, you will feel proud and accomplished and feel positive about moving on to your next goal...perhaps cutting back on calories or eating more vegetables. By making these smaller changes, you are ultimately getting closer to your goal of losing weight.
I make changes for myself throughout the year. I don't set a schedule because you never know when you will be ready to fully commit. But, when I wake up feeling motivated and determined and know it's time for a positive adjustment in my life, I go for it! More times than not, I am successful. We can't win them all but as long as we continually head in the right direction, it should be considered a victory!
Believe in yourself, your strength, your determination and your abilities.
Salut to your "tabula rasa"(clean slate) all year round!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Being Thankful is About More Than Just Being a Turkey
Thanksgiving comes around every year and we routinely express our appreciation for some of the positive aspects of our lives. It's a great little reminder to stop griping about every little thing that doesn't go our way.
We typically go through the motions of giving thanks for friends, family, health and the scrumptious food. But, what about the things that get overlooked?
For instance...I'm grateful for palm trees. Yup, palm trees. There isn't a negative thought in the world that can sneak its way into my mind while admiring palm fronds blowing in the wind. Really, it just makes me want a hammock.
How about...green lights? Just the other day, I hit green lights for an entire day in my travels. I slipped on my "S" cape and conquered the world that day.
I'm grateful for...my journey through cancer. (Let me explain, I promise I'm not a masochist!) I learned about immense physical and emotional pain and the experience pushed my thresholds to limits that far exceeded what I ever believed I could handle. I became stronger, smarter and invincible to impossibility.
And the giggles of children...there is no sweeter sound. When my boys get to the stage of absolute pure laughter that they can no longer control, it is infectious and musical. In my eyes, it is one of the seven wonders of the world.
I'm especially grateful this year for an invitation to be a positive role model for an amazing group of young girls at the Hibiscus Children's Center in Vero Beach. The Zen in the Den event allows me to teach these girls about journaling, the importance of processing emotions and to share my own journey with them. There is no greater gift to receive than giving of yourself.
So, before you cut into the turkey this year, take a few extra minutes to consider the blessings that may normally go overlooked. And, if you're a vegetarian, the turkey will join you in the good fortune.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Beware of the Dream Snatchers!
As many of you know, my first children's book was released a couple of weeks ago. I can still distinctly remember telling teachers in 1st grade that I wanted to be a writer and getting "the look" that I would see many times in years to come. A look that said, "Oh, that's cute...completely unrealistic, but cute!" It seemed the children that wanted to be Astronauts, Ballerinas and International Spies were treated with more clout than the silly Italian girl who wanted to write.
So, I conformed. Externally, anyway. For a bunch of years I said I wanted to be an Environmentalist. Teachers were impressed. I wrote articles to the editor about ways to be environmentally conscious. And folks, this was long before Being Green was popular. I was praised for writing about such a "creative" topic. Secretly, all I really cared about was the fact that I was WRITING.
As I entered high school, I changed my occupation choice to a Social Worker. I wanted to help kids who have endured many of the trials that I have. Sadly, through my research, I realized that I wasn't built to separate problems revealed to me at work without taking their pain home with me. So, I wrote an article about it in Journalism class. :-) (I'm a sneaky one...maybe I should have tried the whole Spy idea.)
Forbes posted an article specifically about this topic and I find it shameful the approach that was taken by the author, David M. Ewalt.
http://www.forbes.com/2009/02/26/starting-second-career-leadership-careers_dream_jobs.html
I'm a writer and fully believe in free speech and understand the point that the author tries to make when he states that children have unrealistic expectations of what particular jobs pay. But sir, they are kids!! They aren't supposed to have an adult grasp on reality. Is financial sustainability important? Absolutely!! Should the amount of money you earn at your dream job be a legit excuse to throw it all away? Absolutely NOT!!
To also squash a profession because it is difficult to obtain, is absurd. Ewalt states, "...most kids are in for repeated heartbreak when they get older, like when they realize how hard it is to snag a job as a ballerina."
Last I checked, Olympians didn't win medals because it was easy. Doctors don't get degrees because they hand them out to everyone. And writers certainly don't publish books overnight. I don't think telling our kids to pursue things that are easy is the right message. Our country was founded on hard work and dedication.
So, for all of those I tried to appease over the years...I never wanted to be an Environmentalist and I never intended to be a Social Worker. All I wanted to do was write. Through years of naysayers, scepticism and my own determination, I am now doing just that. I wouldn't recommend trying to stop me. The pen is mightier than the sword!
**You can purchase a copy of my book, "The Adventures of Isaiah James: Beach Boy" at http://www.shop.perfectedpenpublishing.com/The-Adventures-of-Isaiah-James-Beach-Boy-BK-AOIJ1.htm .
So, I conformed. Externally, anyway. For a bunch of years I said I wanted to be an Environmentalist. Teachers were impressed. I wrote articles to the editor about ways to be environmentally conscious. And folks, this was long before Being Green was popular. I was praised for writing about such a "creative" topic. Secretly, all I really cared about was the fact that I was WRITING.
As I entered high school, I changed my occupation choice to a Social Worker. I wanted to help kids who have endured many of the trials that I have. Sadly, through my research, I realized that I wasn't built to separate problems revealed to me at work without taking their pain home with me. So, I wrote an article about it in Journalism class. :-) (I'm a sneaky one...maybe I should have tried the whole Spy idea.)
Forbes posted an article specifically about this topic and I find it shameful the approach that was taken by the author, David M. Ewalt.
http://www.forbes.com/2009/02/26/starting-second-career-leadership-careers_dream_jobs.html
I'm a writer and fully believe in free speech and understand the point that the author tries to make when he states that children have unrealistic expectations of what particular jobs pay. But sir, they are kids!! They aren't supposed to have an adult grasp on reality. Is financial sustainability important? Absolutely!! Should the amount of money you earn at your dream job be a legit excuse to throw it all away? Absolutely NOT!!
To also squash a profession because it is difficult to obtain, is absurd. Ewalt states, "...most kids are in for repeated heartbreak when they get older, like when they realize how hard it is to snag a job as a ballerina."
Last I checked, Olympians didn't win medals because it was easy. Doctors don't get degrees because they hand them out to everyone. And writers certainly don't publish books overnight. I don't think telling our kids to pursue things that are easy is the right message. Our country was founded on hard work and dedication.
So, for all of those I tried to appease over the years...I never wanted to be an Environmentalist and I never intended to be a Social Worker. All I wanted to do was write. Through years of naysayers, scepticism and my own determination, I am now doing just that. I wouldn't recommend trying to stop me. The pen is mightier than the sword!
**You can purchase a copy of my book, "The Adventures of Isaiah James: Beach Boy" at http://www.shop.perfectedpenpublishing.com/The-Adventures-of-Isaiah-James-Beach-Boy-BK-AOIJ1.htm .
Monday, September 6, 2010
If Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, Strike a Pose!
Do you remember a time, long, long ago, before we became a bit cynical and critical of people? Most of us try not to be but let's face it, it happens to the best of us.
That stage of innocence was an amazing time. We loved people for how they treated us, the way they made us laugh or how they comforted us when we needed it most. They were beautiful people inside and we saw them as beautiful on the outside as well.
So, where does the transition come in? When did we begin judging others by outward appearances instead of the genuine person inside? Skin color, attire and perceived social status suddenly becomes our compass for deciding who is worthy of our time.
I started analyzing this topic when my 22-month old son picked up a Victoria's Secret ad the other day. He pointed to a brunette model and exclaimed, "Oh, it's Mama!"
Needless to say, I had a good laugh! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that what Isaiah saw as beauty on the outside, was the same as the beauty he saw in me, on the inside. So, from his perspective, why wouldn't I be the gorgeous supermodel on the cover?
I think when we start transitioning into superficial beings, we also lose sight of the beauty within ourselves. We become over-judgmental of our looks ("Does this make me look fat?"), our jobs ("What if I'm not good enough?"), our home ("Is my house big enough to impress our friends?") and ourselves ("What do other people want me to be?").
I want to be able to see myself as a supermodel. Not physically (Ok, maybe a little lol) but as a whole being. I want to radiate that beauty into the world and I want it to become infectious. Whatever your ideal vision of beauty is...be it! Whatever your biggest dream is...accomplish it! Whatever your most annoying insecurity is...bury it!
Let's all be on the cover of our own magazine. And let's look at each other the way our kids do....without the imperfections.
I'm ready for my close-up! Cheeeeese!
That stage of innocence was an amazing time. We loved people for how they treated us, the way they made us laugh or how they comforted us when we needed it most. They were beautiful people inside and we saw them as beautiful on the outside as well.
So, where does the transition come in? When did we begin judging others by outward appearances instead of the genuine person inside? Skin color, attire and perceived social status suddenly becomes our compass for deciding who is worthy of our time.
I started analyzing this topic when my 22-month old son picked up a Victoria's Secret ad the other day. He pointed to a brunette model and exclaimed, "Oh, it's Mama!"
Needless to say, I had a good laugh! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that what Isaiah saw as beauty on the outside, was the same as the beauty he saw in me, on the inside. So, from his perspective, why wouldn't I be the gorgeous supermodel on the cover?
I think when we start transitioning into superficial beings, we also lose sight of the beauty within ourselves. We become over-judgmental of our looks ("Does this make me look fat?"), our jobs ("What if I'm not good enough?"), our home ("Is my house big enough to impress our friends?") and ourselves ("What do other people want me to be?").
I want to be able to see myself as a supermodel. Not physically (Ok, maybe a little lol) but as a whole being. I want to radiate that beauty into the world and I want it to become infectious. Whatever your ideal vision of beauty is...be it! Whatever your biggest dream is...accomplish it! Whatever your most annoying insecurity is...bury it!
Let's all be on the cover of our own magazine. And let's look at each other the way our kids do....without the imperfections.
I'm ready for my close-up! Cheeeeese!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
When Sweat Equity Means More Than Smelling Bad
After a long journey through dozens of office spaces, I finally found the ideal spot! While it was move-in ready, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to appearance, ambiance and mood. So, the projects began!
The walls have beautiful chair rails but the blue paint that the previous business chose had a very industrial feel which went along perfectly with the industrial blue indoor/outdoor carpet on the floors. Great for someone...but not my cup of tea.
I journeyed off to Home Depot, which often feels like my second home. I had my paint colors chosen, picked up supplies while I waited for the paint and was surprised by the comments from the men I encountered. Apparently, a woman taking on her own projects is a jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring and "Good for you!" kind of event. :-) I took all the comments as compliments but still found it funny that an independent woman was deemed out of the ordinary.
I spent the weekend spackling, sanding, painting and ripping out the current vinyl baseboards and carpets. I took a chance on the paint color I chose. I wanted something a little different and was fortunate that it looked exactly as I envisioned it would. The next project is getting new flooring installed. I may love my heels but I'm not afraid to kick those babies off and get dirty.
So, what's my point?
Don't ever be afraid to tackle big projects. Don't settle for less than you envision. Try to take on a project that you've never done before. Whether you are successful or not, you will have learned something new. Sweat equity is infinitely fulfilling and after a hard day's work, a shower is a close second.
The walls have beautiful chair rails but the blue paint that the previous business chose had a very industrial feel which went along perfectly with the industrial blue indoor/outdoor carpet on the floors. Great for someone...but not my cup of tea.
I journeyed off to Home Depot, which often feels like my second home. I had my paint colors chosen, picked up supplies while I waited for the paint and was surprised by the comments from the men I encountered. Apparently, a woman taking on her own projects is a jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring and "Good for you!" kind of event. :-) I took all the comments as compliments but still found it funny that an independent woman was deemed out of the ordinary.
I spent the weekend spackling, sanding, painting and ripping out the current vinyl baseboards and carpets. I took a chance on the paint color I chose. I wanted something a little different and was fortunate that it looked exactly as I envisioned it would. The next project is getting new flooring installed. I may love my heels but I'm not afraid to kick those babies off and get dirty.
So, what's my point?
Don't ever be afraid to tackle big projects. Don't settle for less than you envision. Try to take on a project that you've never done before. Whether you are successful or not, you will have learned something new. Sweat equity is infinitely fulfilling and after a hard day's work, a shower is a close second.
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