In a partnership, when we choose to marry, we take a vow to love one another "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or health"...or something with a very similar tone. We stand up before our friends and family, a notary or an Elvis impersonator and proclaim this love for all to hear.
When we have children, the vows are very similar, yet an unspoken demonstration. There is no growing to love your children like we often have to do with our significant other. It is an instant bond that trumps all others.
I was never supposed to have children. As a matter of fact, when I was diagnosed with cancer at age 19, my doctor wanted to do a full hysterectomy. That's a whole other story that many of you have already heard but when my first son, Isaiah, was born after 2 1/2 grueling years of fertility treatments, my world changed...instantly...and for the better. Here is this beautiful 5lb. 14oz. preemie boy, PROOF that miracles do happen, that faith is tangible and that hope is more than an emotion.
Six months later when his baby brother Micah was conceived (naturally), it was surreal, unexplainable and an amazing blessing. Weighing in at less than 5lbs., this little man was born a fighter much like his mother. Micah, now 15 months old, has been sick for most of his life. Respiratory issues with extreme fevers, hospitalizations, spinal tap, blood cultures and a visit across the state to a specialist has taken up much of his infant time.
I remember the pain, fear and confusion of being ill myself, and could have never imagined the spectrum of emotions that comes into play when it is your own child. I feel perhaps even more anxious because of the sequence of events that had to occur to create these babies!
I pride myself in taking one day at a time and trying not to get too overwhelmed with the "what ifs". But, it takes practice and determination, just like all things worthwhile in life.
As we wait for my little Peanut's results, I want to vocalize my love for my two boys. We don't get a ceremony to celebrate our love but Isaiah and Micah, I want you to know that I will always love you "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health". It's through you both that I continue to grow, learn and conquer the world.
Salute!
Showing posts with label toxic relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toxic relationships. Show all posts
Friday, April 1, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Stargazing and Toxic Relationships!
Do you ever find yourself attempting to confide in a loved one, only to realize time after time that they end up making you feel worse? Isn't that what enemies are for?
These are toxic relationships and if given the chance, they can negatively affect confidence, self-esteem and trust. So, how the heck do you solve this problem??
In my opinion there are two main elements to consider:
1. I believe communicating about your discomfort should always be a first option. "I was upset and really needed to vent, but you added a lot of additional negativity that made me feel even worse." Paraphrasing, of course. This may be all that is needed to solve the problem. But, be prepared if it isn't enough. Some people may get defensive, some may completely deny that they respond the way they do and others just may not care much.
2. Evaluate yourself. Are you placing expectations upon this person that they are unable to carry through? The only expectations you can control are those you place upon yourself. Maybe this particular relationship shouldn't include heart-to-hearts. Perhaps it's just not part of the dynamic that makes the relationship work.
There is also the possibility that without being able to utilize that person as a confidant, the relationship will cease to exist. That's where it gets especially tricky when you are talking about a spouse or family member. I've been in this situation so many times and it's not easy. Basically, it comes down to making tough decisions, determining what is best for your well-being and setting limits that are both fair and reasonable.
Ultimately, the world has plenty of negativity and pessimistic people. But, I prefer to surround myself with positive individuals who innately support me, without expectations or criticism. A dream world? Perhaps. But, I'm all about reaching for the stars!
These are toxic relationships and if given the chance, they can negatively affect confidence, self-esteem and trust. So, how the heck do you solve this problem??
In my opinion there are two main elements to consider:
1. I believe communicating about your discomfort should always be a first option. "I was upset and really needed to vent, but you added a lot of additional negativity that made me feel even worse." Paraphrasing, of course. This may be all that is needed to solve the problem. But, be prepared if it isn't enough. Some people may get defensive, some may completely deny that they respond the way they do and others just may not care much.
2. Evaluate yourself. Are you placing expectations upon this person that they are unable to carry through? The only expectations you can control are those you place upon yourself. Maybe this particular relationship shouldn't include heart-to-hearts. Perhaps it's just not part of the dynamic that makes the relationship work.
There is also the possibility that without being able to utilize that person as a confidant, the relationship will cease to exist. That's where it gets especially tricky when you are talking about a spouse or family member. I've been in this situation so many times and it's not easy. Basically, it comes down to making tough decisions, determining what is best for your well-being and setting limits that are both fair and reasonable.
Ultimately, the world has plenty of negativity and pessimistic people. But, I prefer to surround myself with positive individuals who innately support me, without expectations or criticism. A dream world? Perhaps. But, I'm all about reaching for the stars!
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