Merry Season of Cooler Weather, Scrooge!

Freedom of speech is a glorious thing, isn't it? We are a nation founded on speaking from orifices other than our mouths, often with self-serving motives. It is no wonder that others less fortunate strive to maintain residency within our borders. We are living the dream!

With all sarcasm aside (merely for a moment, no worries), being able to voice your opinion is genuinely something to be grateful for. I only wish it was used in more of a positive aspect at times. The holidays are here and this year more than any before, I keep encountering people with massive amounts of negativity about how people express their well wishes. If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say, "Ugh, I hate when people say Happy Holidays! It should be Merry Christmas!", all of my Christmas shopping would be paid for...and then some!

Have we gotten so jaded and self-righteous that we think everyone else should believe what we believe and celebrate the way we celebrate? It's gotten to be such a touchy issue that many people trip over their own tongues when trying to figure out the acceptable way to wish you a "Merry Season of Cooler Weather".

When someone says good morning, do you instinctively look at your watch, notice it's 12:01pm and shout, "How dare you! It's actually afternoon, you moron!" I sure hope not. So why, when someone is just trying to send you happy thoughts during the holidays, does it become this eggnog pissing match?

Perhaps we can change our way of thinking to realize that they are saying something nice, regardless if it specifically fits our religious or lifestyle traditions. Personally, I celebrate Christmas. But, I welcome the world to wish me a happy Hanukkah, Diwali, Christmas, Wigilia or Kwanzaa. Please know that I will graciously accept your kind spirit and wish you the same.

This is both my free speech and my two-cents. Enjoy!

Before the Milk Spoils - Surviving the Drain is Just the Beginning

When I was diagnosed with cancer in 1999 at the flighty age of 19, I always thought that survival was the "happily ever after" ending I was supposed to strive for. Twelve and a half years later, I know better.

While battling cancer for 5 years, enduring many surgeries and finding the delicate balance between health and happiness was certainly the struggle of my life, the battle really began the day I was told I was cancer-free.

Sounds crazy, right? Perhaps, but it's true. You suddenly know firsthand how much you stand to lose, you worry about a re-occurrence and you begin your mission to make a difference in the world. After all, who wants their funeral to be full of people attending only out of obligation? (My biggest issue)

The more time that passes, these fears/goals/obsessions become more mild but they are forever rooted in our psyche. I will catch myself on occasion getting teary-eyed while looking at my sons. I have so much more to lose now than I did as a single, childless 19-year-old. The "what ifs" continue to haunt me.

I'm reminded of this side of cancer on days like today; the side nobody speaks of because we're programmed to merely express gratitude for surviving. An oncologist friend of mine and fellow cancer survivor found out he has the advanced stages of esophageal cancer recently. A man who has a beautiful wife and children, dedicates his career to helping those with cancer, regularly supports the American Cancer Society, conducts mission trips to Haiti and makes an immensely positive impact in the world. All the things we're supposed to do following the "happily ever after" ending of cancer survival, right?

Except, it doesn't seem so RIGHT. In fact, it seems so backwards that it makes my head spin. I'm a street corner hope-pusher and a firm believer in a positive outlook but the reality is that sometimes ignorance IS bliss. Before a cancer diagnosis, we live freely (although frivolously) but without the reality of an unknown expiration date. After a cancer diagnosis, we are like that borderline jug of milk that you have to sniff a few times, wondering if it's still good or if it's ready to dispose down the drain.

I guess all I can do is hope we complement one more bowl of Cheerios or provide one more splash in a warm cup of coffee. But, I'm lactose intolerant. Kind of ironic.

The Sword Gets a Freebie - Take a Swipe at My Pen!

I have terribly neglected this blog over the past few months. Talk about an oxymoron. I focus greatly on my clients, their needs and goals that sometimes my own endeavors get put on the back burner. Shame on me. (In my best scolding voice.)

I just returned from a weekend writing conference with the Florida Writers Association which obviously lit a fire under my blog-slacking behind. It is refreshing to occasionally converse with those who are talented, arrogant, humbled, facetious, self-centered, terrified and gracious...much like the rest of society...except that they are also creative nuts much like myself.

I engulfed myself in workshops and networking, Chardonnay and truckloads of food, and left a bit richer in knowledge, friendships and lessons in the art of self-sacrifice. I watched the expressions on the faces of my fellow Friends In Pens as they received awards, were honored for their achievements and applauded for astounding performances.

You see, writing is the ultimate self-sacrifice. You bear emotions you wouldn't express to your closest friend, you risk rejection from complete strangers whose approval you desperately seek and strive to make some sort of profound difference in a world full of mediocrity.

And while Edward Bulwer-Lytton whispers, "The pen is mightier than the sword," in my tone-deaf ear, I can't help but wonder if a good swipe by the blade at our rejection-ridden, critique-giving, pen-toting asses is just what we need sometimes to keep us on track.

I'm appreciative of my battle wound this weekend. My pen is stronger than ever.

Being Alone Doesn't Mean Loneliness!

I just returned from my very first book tour and it was an amazing experience. While away, I was fortunate to visit with some family in my home state of Connecticut. I was inspired to write this post based on a conversation that occurred between my grandmother and I.

She asked how I was able to travel alone, without fear, self-doubt and with courage. It was a very profound question because I had never specifically analyzed that aspect of myself until that moment.

There were many years when I was merely a glimpse in the shadow of others. Whether lost in the troubles of family members or allowing myself to disappear while in romantic relationships, I put myself on the back burner to please others for a very long time. It's a flaw that I'm able to admit and learn from; self-growth is an imperative part of life, after all.

Once I made the decision to be seen, and it was a conscious and intentional decision, I had to find out what made ME happy. And truthfully, I had no idea. As independent as I am in certain aspects, there were other times when I was unknowingly reliant on the company of others. I began to make very specific actions that took me out of my comfort zone, and forced me to deal with the discomfort.

Traveling alone was something that was initially very fearful to me. My overly-analytical mind worried about every possible scenario that could go wrong. But, I was determined to look fear in the eye and conquer it. And, that's exactly what I did.

While traveling alone, there is no one to please but myself, no one to be dependent on, no one to shadow my identity. It is so empowering, and exactly what I needed.

This most recent trip, while not my first trip alone, was my first long-distance business trip which brought along with it the need to succeed. When I wasn't attending scheduled events, I was doing walk-ins to as many locations as possible, another uncomfortable feat that I conquered. My book and literacy tour was welcomed with open arms by every business and individual I encountered. Checkmate.

So, the answer to my sweet grandmother's question is that I am able to travel alone not out of courage or without fear, but because it is a necessity in order to better myself. And, I will no longer create boundaries that can stifle my potential. I've learned that I will never be lonely while alone. I'm pretty good company!

Being Thankful is About More Than Just Being a Turkey

Thanksgiving comes around every year and we routinely express our appreciation for some of the positive aspects of our lives. It's a great little reminder to stop griping about every little thing that doesn't go our way.

We typically go through the motions of giving thanks for friends, family, health and the scrumptious food. But, what about the things that get overlooked?

For instance...I'm grateful for palm trees. Yup, palm trees. There isn't a negative thought in the world that can sneak its way into my mind while admiring palm fronds blowing in the wind. Really, it just makes me want a hammock.

How about...green lights? Just the other day, I hit green lights for an entire day in my travels. I slipped on my "S" cape and conquered the world that day.

I'm grateful for...my journey through cancer. (Let me explain, I promise I'm not a masochist!) I learned about immense physical and emotional pain and the experience pushed my thresholds to limits that far exceeded what I ever believed I could handle. I became stronger, smarter and invincible to impossibility.

And the giggles of children...there is no sweeter sound. When my boys get to the stage of absolute pure laughter that they can no longer control, it is infectious and musical. In my eyes, it is one of the seven wonders of the world.

I'm especially grateful this year for an invitation to be a positive role model for an amazing group of young girls at the Hibiscus Children's Center in Vero Beach. The Zen in the Den event allows me to teach these girls about journaling, the importance of processing emotions and to share my own journey with them. There is no greater gift to receive than giving of yourself.

So, before you cut into the turkey this year, take a few extra minutes to consider the blessings that may normally go overlooked. And, if you're a vegetarian, the turkey will join you in the good fortune.

Beware of the Dream Snatchers!

As many of you know, my first children's book was released a couple of weeks ago. I can still distinctly remember telling teachers in 1st grade that I wanted to be a writer and getting "the look" that I would see many times in years to come. A look that said, "Oh, that's cute...completely unrealistic, but cute!" It seemed the children that wanted to be Astronauts, Ballerinas and International Spies were treated with more clout than the silly Italian girl who wanted to write.

So, I conformed. Externally, anyway. For a bunch of years I said I wanted to be an Environmentalist. Teachers were impressed. I wrote articles to the editor about ways to be environmentally conscious. And folks, this was long before Being Green was popular. I was praised for writing about such a "creative" topic. Secretly, all I really cared about was the fact that I was WRITING.

As I entered high school, I changed my occupation choice to a Social Worker. I wanted to help kids who have endured many of the trials that I have. Sadly, through my research, I realized that I wasn't built to separate problems revealed to me at work without taking their pain home with me. So, I wrote an article about it in Journalism class. :-) (I'm a sneaky one...maybe I should have tried the whole Spy idea.)

Forbes posted an article specifically about this topic and I find it shameful the approach that was taken by the author, David M. Ewalt.

http://www.forbes.com/2009/02/26/starting-second-career-leadership-careers_dream_jobs.html

I'm a writer and fully believe in free speech and understand the point that the author tries to make when he states that children have unrealistic expectations of what particular jobs pay. But sir, they are kids!! They aren't supposed to have an adult grasp on reality. Is financial sustainability important? Absolutely!! Should the amount of money you earn at your dream job be a legit excuse to throw it all away? Absolutely NOT!!

To also squash a profession because it is difficult to obtain, is absurd. Ewalt states, "...most kids are in for repeated heartbreak when they get older, like when they realize how hard it is to snag a job as a ballerina."

Last I checked, Olympians didn't win medals because it was easy. Doctors don't get degrees because they hand them out to everyone. And writers certainly don't publish books overnight. I don't think telling our kids to pursue things that are easy is the right message. Our country was founded on hard work and dedication.

So, for all of those I tried to appease over the years...I never wanted to be an Environmentalist and I never intended to be a Social Worker. All I wanted to do was write. Through years of naysayers, scepticism and my own determination, I am now doing just that. I wouldn't recommend trying to stop me. The pen is mightier than the sword!


**You can purchase a copy of my book, "The Adventures of Isaiah James: Beach Boy" at http://www.shop.perfectedpenpublishing.com/The-Adventures-of-Isaiah-James-Beach-Boy-BK-AOIJ1.htm .

If Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, Strike a Pose!

Do you remember a time, long, long ago, before we became a bit cynical and critical of people? Most of us try not to be but let's face it, it happens to the best of us.

That stage of innocence was an amazing time. We loved people for how they treated us, the way they made us laugh or how they comforted us when we needed it most. They were beautiful people inside and we saw them as beautiful on the outside as well.

So, where does the transition come in? When did we begin judging others by outward appearances instead of the genuine person inside? Skin color, attire and perceived social status suddenly becomes our compass for deciding who is worthy of our time.

I started analyzing this topic when my 22-month old son picked up a Victoria's Secret ad the other day. He pointed to a brunette model and exclaimed, "Oh, it's Mama!"

Needless to say, I had a good laugh! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that what Isaiah saw as beauty on the outside, was the same as the beauty he saw in me, on the inside. So, from his perspective, why wouldn't I be the gorgeous supermodel on the cover?

I think when we start transitioning into superficial beings, we also lose sight of the beauty within ourselves. We become over-judgmental of our looks ("Does this make me look fat?"), our jobs ("What if I'm not good enough?"), our home ("Is my house big enough to impress our friends?") and ourselves ("What do other people want me to be?").

I want to be able to see myself as a supermodel. Not physically (Ok, maybe a little lol) but as a whole being. I want to radiate that beauty into the world and I want it to become infectious. Whatever your ideal vision of beauty is...be it! Whatever your biggest dream is...accomplish it! Whatever your most annoying insecurity is...bury it!

Let's all be on the cover of our own magazine. And let's look at each other the way our kids do....without the imperfections.

I'm ready for my close-up! Cheeeeese!

When Sweat Equity Means More Than Smelling Bad

After a long journey through dozens of office spaces, I finally found the ideal spot! While it was move-in ready, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to appearance, ambiance and mood. So, the projects began!

The walls have beautiful chair rails but the blue paint that the previous business chose had a very industrial feel which went along perfectly with the industrial blue indoor/outdoor carpet on the floors. Great for someone...but not my cup of tea.

I journeyed off to Home Depot, which often feels like my second home. I had my paint colors chosen, picked up supplies while I waited for the paint and was surprised by the comments from the men I encountered. Apparently, a woman taking on her own projects is a jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring and "Good for you!" kind of event. :-) I took all the comments as compliments but still found it funny that an independent woman was deemed out of the ordinary.

I spent the weekend spackling, sanding, painting and ripping out the current vinyl baseboards and carpets. I took a chance on the paint color I chose. I wanted something a little different and was fortunate that it looked exactly as I envisioned it would. The next project is getting new flooring installed. I may love my heels but I'm not afraid to kick those babies off and get dirty.

So, what's my point?

Don't ever be afraid to tackle big projects. Don't settle for less than you envision. Try to take on a project that you've never done before. Whether you are successful or not, you will have learned something new. Sweat equity is infinitely fulfilling and after a hard day's work, a shower is a close second.

If E=mc² and I'm a Circle...Where Do I Fit In?

I'm all about running a lean business. I strive for minimal waste, low overhead and superior service. So, when the need arose for me to start looking into office space (I currently have a home office), it took me awhile to adjust.

Running efficiently has allowed me to survive in this tumultuous economy. Truth be told, my business has actually grown. So, taking on a substantial monthly bill otherwise known as RENT, was a little unsettling.

Have you found yourself in these types of growing pains with your business? It often goes in the other direction as well, where you find it is necessary to downsize in order to survive the recession.

I think people beat themselves up for this type of change but I find it to be smart business. You must have the fluidity as a business owner in order to adapt to your surroundings. If you can make adjustments during a tough span to bide your time until the economy improves and more clients start coming back your way, you have succeeded. I think it's those who have a hard time getting past their egos that end up failing in the long run.

When I mention ego, I don't use it as a negative term. I believe that all business owners should embrace a bit of ego. It helps to keep you driven, goal-oriented and proud of the services and products that you offer. But, it is also ego that sits in the back of your head and says, "If you downsize, you are admitting FAILURE!" But trust me, that's not the least bit true!

I've been there...I've had those thoughts. Not many people believed I could make a living as a writer. So, I had to fight years of discouragement, slow times and ultimately CHANGE in order to succeed.

And now, here I am growing, but just as nervous as those facing the opposite dilemma. We sometimes fear success just as much as we fear failure.

I've embraced the change, and know it is necessary for the new writing workshops I will be offering. I know my new space will allow me to help more businesses, children, authors and non-profits. That is truly important to me.

I'm no mathematician, but I know I will find where I fit in...and I hope you will too!

Sabrina K. Carpenter